Back in September I hit a low point when I wrote, Trying Not to be Disgusted with Myself. The reaction I got from friends and readers pulled me back from the edge of self-loathing. Since then I am much happier with what I've got, and I've got a lot to be happy about.
That doesn't mean going into denial again about my food addiction. However, I believe I can be emotionally addicted to food and not let it rule me because I love myself more. Worrying less about the number on the scale and trusting myself isn't easy but it's definitely healthier for my self-esteem.
It helps a lot to see full figured women in the media who look fantastic. Christina Hendricks of Mad Men is one actress who seriously knows how to strut her stuff. Another is Brooke Eliot of Drop Dead Diva fame. She was interviewed by the Daily News where she said,
"We're conditioned to believe that beauty comes in one specific package, but this project is dispelling that myth, saying that beauty is everywhere, in every body type, in every type of person,"
And then there's What Not to Wear. Stacy (who is totally in touch with her inner bitch) and Clinton (the 'good cop'), play fairy godparents to scads of women hiding themsleves under snuggie sized sweatshirts and mommy jeans. From frumpy to dazzling in one week and not a pound shed!
The real pull of this show is the emotional transformation these women appear to go through, from hating their bodies to appreciating them, to discovering they are actually beautiful. As a psychologist I know it takes more than a week in New York City and $5,000.00 dollars to spend on clothes, but still, there's the hope that this new self-love will last for these women.
So while the scale is holding steady for me, not up or down for the last three weeks, I'm not sweating it. In fact, I am off to the holiday sales to see what I can find that makes this body, that one that I am grateful for today, look fabulous!