It's been a LONG time since I've written about my weight struggle. That's because there hasn't been much of a fight to report. For a while there I surrendered to my impulses for whatever I craved. Plus I wasn't getting up early to exercise (and if exercise doesn't happen in the morning, forget it). The result? No surprise. The skinny jeans are back on the shelf and I reach for stuff with elastic waists. You have no idea how hard it is to admit that.
It would be easy to blame the dark mid-winter, lack of Vitamin D, stress at work or family demands. But really, there are no excuses. I eat as a reward and as a punishment. I know what I need to do but I sabotage my efforts gladly for the rush of immediate gratification. That's the life of a food addict.
My path to this place was part Nature: While everyone else in my family got the skinny genes (no pun intended, haha), my grandmother's pudginess skipped a generation and landed squarely on my belly.
And part Nurture: It didn't help that my stick thin Mom constantly asked me if I wanted her "help" to lose weight. "Are you going to eat that?" is a refrain that haunts me like the Jaws theme does an ocean swimmer.
But frankly today it doesn't wash because I am A GROWN-UP! A grown up who needs constant reminding that I have the responsibility to make good choices. I eschew (love that word. Notice it has 'chew' in it) I es-CHEW diets. Been there, done that a million times a la Oprah. The high of initial success is inevitably followed by the depression of defeat. Sorry but my self-esteem just says no!
It was my son who got me back on track again. He asked me (yes, I have a teenager who actually wants to know what I think! It's a miracle!) what ideas I had to help him study for the SATs. Without thinking I told him to start exercising regularly. I recited all the brain benefits of exercise (scientifically proven, thank you very much) and how years ago, I ran three miles a day while I was studying for my licensing boards. It helped so much. He said thanks and immediately started running as soon as he got home from school.
Well, gee whiz. As a mom, how do you think I felt giving out advice I wasn't following myself? Answer: Like a bit of a jerk.