My Horse Is My Therapist

Indian Summer From the Back of a Horse

Sitting on the couch with the laptop, soft jazz playing, my bones and muscles are so relaxed I can hardly lift my fingers to type. How did I get to this blissful state?

Play back six hours to after lunch, early this afternoon. Sunday is the one day of the week I am inspired to make a big breakfast for the kids. Today was a combination of pancakes and french toast. Then my husband and I had a nice long talk catching up on business issues (we own a start up biotech company CH3 BioSystems) and finally it was time to go to the barn!

This weekend was warm, dry and sunny. Most of the leaves have fallen and the sun begins its decent early in the day. The ground was mushy in the low spots from a wet week but a walk-about outside was possible.

Annie and I prefer a good hack under the sky. Even though the footing was too slick to trot, much less canter, we traded a physical workout in the indoor ring for a psychological workout outside.

Since moving to Maple Row, Annie and I have learned to relax with each other so that now I can ride her out by ourselves. It used to be she always had to have a companion horse with her. We enjoy our little walk-abouts and I always try to push her just a little bit beyond her comfort zone. That way we both increase our sense of mastery and it's fun.

There's a strip of green between an old upper barn and one of the paddocks. Every time I try to walk her down that path she balks when the barn door comes into view. Today she walked on by! All that good work was paying off.

She did so well I decided to walk her on the long side of the indoor ring. We got half way down that path when another big door got in her sights. Another balk. 'Geez, Annie, it's just a stupid door.' Whatever, she wasn't going near it and I know her well enough not to force her, so we took another path. 

That's when we ran into Duchess. Duchess is a grand old Warm Blood Clydesdale cross. At 18+ hands, trained in dressage and proud, she's magnificently and aptly named. We stopped to chat and I explained what Annie and I had been up to.

You Could be Watching the Breeders' Cup!

For some it's football, for others it's the Breeders' Cup. Gorgeous animals, brave riders, prettiest track & the coolest horse names ever. Zensational, Swift Temper, Life Is Sweet, and more!

In case you missed it, here's the Breeders' Cup Classic. A great race with a surprise ending!

Crazy Horse Girl on the Mad Men Dismount

Meeting new, fabulous people on the Internet is one of its many joys.

Last month, being in a snarky mood, I wrote:

What drives me nuts is the way she [Betty Draper] dismounts, putting all her weight into the left stirrup and swinging her leg over instead of dropping her irons like we all learned in the first lesson. Or is that really how they dismounted in the '60's?

Crazy Horse Girl, of Anyplace Farm wrote:

Gotta comment on this one. There are three ways to dismount (at least that I know of). The safest is the way you describe, which is the taking feet out of both stirrups and vaulting off. This is the way I used to do it. The logic behind it is that if you leave one foot in the left stirrup and your horse moves off while you do so, you could lose your balance and get dragged.

The other way is to kick them free and slide off. Sort of a slower version of the above.

Lastly, is the way that Betty does it. Which is actually the way I do it now. If you watch Medal finals, you'll see that most of them actually do this. It is called 'stepping off'. But the process is very quick and not as deliberate as Betty does it. As soon as the right leg has been kicked free of the stirrup, you are supposed to balance your left hand on the withers, right hand on the seat and immediately take the left foot out and hop down. You are almost taking the left foot out as soon the right has cleared the rump.

I'll admit my reason for switching from the vault to the "modified step off" is because I'm just vain enough about my saddle. It is french calf and if I vault, the pommel gets torn up. It happens during that lean forward and swing portion of the act. When I step off now, I stay clear of the pommel, rest my hand on the right most side of the seat where my right thigh nearly lays then I vault away. Keeping my hand on the right side keeps my weight distributed across the horse's back well enough that I do not torque the horse's back while just one foot is in the stirrup.

Yes, I'm anal. :)

You can read more of our conversation in the comments section of What Riding Looked Like in the '60s

Horse Guilt: A Lot Like Mommy Guilt

Horse Guilt is defined as the emotional discomfort felt by the horse owner who has not seen her horse in over two weeks. Horse Guilt, also known as Equine Malaise, which most often afflicts women who are inundated with responsibilities and therefore suffer from multiple types of guilt such as:

Child Guilt: Am I giving my child enough attention? Where is she anyway?

Work Guilt: Did I work hard enough on that report? Did I return those calls? Please God, do not let me fall asleep in session.

Wife Guilt: Oh, that's who that is in the kitchen. Nice guy. What's his name?

Dog Guilt: When was the last time I walked the dog? Stop looking at me like that!

Blog Guilt: OMG! I haven't posted in over 24 hours!

Before I moved Annie to Maple Row, my horse guilt was a lot worse. The stable she was at before rarely turned the horses out. If you wanted them out you had to personally go to the barn and take care of it. It was exhausting. At Maple Row Annie gets regular turn out and lots of attention from the owners. If anything happened to her, even busting the leg straps off her rain sheet, I hear about it within hours.

It's even better since a young friend is riding Annie regularly. She is in graduate school and while that's demanding, she has a little more flexibility in her schedule and I'm grateful. She is a top rider, too, so not only does Annie get more exercise, Amanda is working on collecting Annie's too fast canter. Yippee!

Rarely do we get those win-win situations but this is one of them. Amanda likes Annie, understands her disposition and gets a good mount. Annie gets exercise and an intellectual workout from a skilled rider. I get some relief from Horse Guilt.

And that gives me time for the kid, the husband, the dog and even the blog!

Horses Bring a Family Back Together

I first heard it on the Today show while walking on the treadmill.

"Kidnap victim, Jaycee Dugard and her mother are working on rebuilding their relationship by horseback riding....."

There was more but I stopped listening after that. I was too busy having a flashback...

Six years ago I was a mess. My body had decided to relapse, again, making me sick at heart as well as sick of body. Depression was my shadow as I begged my doctor to please not put me on prednisone, the only drug known to knock my kidneys back into gear. While my nephrologist figured out what to do, I came down with the worst case of stomach flu I ever had in my life. Kidney disease plus acute GI distress is the one-two punch that knocked me out. I was sure I was going to die.

But I didn't. Slowly I came back to being able to eat more than just ice. My doc started me on an alternate kidney med and it worked. Weak as a kitten there was light at the end of the tunnel when I got a call from my sister. My Dad had passed away.

My father was a horseman. He was a small man, maybe 5'6", but on his Palomino, Boots, he was a king. I learned more from my Dad through horses and being outside than I did in any other venue. He wasn't an easy man. He expected perfection from himself and his kids and melancholia dogged him. But in the wooded hills of Eastern Kansas, riding a trail with the horses, there was a greater ease of being. I was lucky to get to share it with him.

Months later, not long after the memorial service for my Dad (that had been postponed so I could attend), I did an impulsive search for horse lessons. Fully recovered from my illness, but still heart sick, I felt a need to reconnect with all those memories. At North Star Farm I learned all over again how to care for and ride horses; first Yummy, then Fancy and finally Annie.

In my head I conversed with my Dad. He thought it was interesting that I chose to ride Hunter Under Saddle instead of Western. He was amused that I was able to post easily because that's how he taught us to trot. He shook his head when I hurt myself trying to barrel race at 50.

One night I had a dream that told me my grieving was done; I could heal now. Annie was in her cross ties. As I finished up grooming her, my Dad walked up and laid a hand on her forelock. It was so real I could smell his special soap.

"She's a beauty, Etoseh," his nickname for me. "I'm proud of you."

Since coming back to horses I've heard many variations on my story. Women who have healed through their horses. A breast cancer survivor, a woman who lost her young son in a car accident, another whose husband of twenty years suddenly left her, all say, "If it weren't for my horse I don't know what would have happened. My horse saved me."

Now Jaycee and her family, with a therapist who apparently knows a poll from a hock, are mending from an unthinkable trauma through horses. They appear to be in good hands and good hooves as well! I wish them well and many, many happy trails.

Photo courtesy of Bastiand via Flickr

Afraid Your Horse Will Spook? Tell Her to Bring It On!

On the Explore What's Next blog I published "10 More Ways to Lower Anxiety." For Way #2 there was only one example I could come up with, what I did to get over my fear of Annie bolting. Here it is:

2) Make it worse.

"When you try too hard to control your anxieties, you only heighten them. Instead exaggerate them and see what happens." 

This is a good one. When I suggest it to my patients I call it the 'Bring it on' technique or 'Fake it 'til you make it'. By inviting what scares you, you learn on your time that you can survive your fears instead of waiting to be bushwhacked by them.

Sports psychologists use this all the time. When I was terrified my horse would spook and dump me on the ground, my coach told me to stop trying to keep my mare from bolting. Instead she told me expect her to shy, to look forward to it. That attitude helped me relax and so did the horse.

To read the entire article click here.

Photo courtesy of aneye4pictures via Flickr

Fall Shedding: Is This Normal?

About a week ago at my barn a couple of women were commiserating about how much their horses were shedding.

"It's weird. Why would he shed in the fall? Look at this!" She pointed to a pile of hair she'd swept up in the grooming stall. "Is this normal?"

Yes, it is. I'm not sure why these women, seasoned horse owners, didn't know this. Hadn't they seen this before?

Our horses know when it's time to start growing in their winter coat way before we do. Like the birdies know when it's time to head South, horses' bodies go by the solar time. They don't wait for the temperature to go down, they sense when the days are getting shorter. And that's smart because if they waited for a cold snap they'd be freezing while the coat grew in.

To grow in the winter coat they shed out the summer coat. It's not nearly as noticeable as the Spring shedding, naturally. There's not as much summer hair! But they do shed in the fall to make way for new growth.

A Quick Visit to the Barn

A couple of days ago I got up early and finished up some work at my home office. By a fluke, I had the entire morning clear of appointments; I didn't have to be at my office until later in the afternoon.

By 10:30 I published the blog post I was working on for Explore What's Next. Did I have time to sneak over to the barn for a ride?

Time me!

10:30-11:00  Pull on riding tights and boots. Grab keys, jump in the car and drive to the barn.

11:00-11:15  Say hi to everyone at the barn. Someone's mowing the grass, Mike is scraping and painting, Jessie and Chris are cleaning stalls, Lee is dumping and filling water buckets. They're surprised to see me; not my usual time. It's so nice to be greeted warmly. Annie's out in the paddock with her pals, right at the gate. She's easy as pie to bring in and put in the cross ties.

11:15-11:30  Quick grooming, just concentrating on the saddle area and pick out her hooves. Tack her up. Fly mask and spray because Lee said it was buggy out.

11:30 Mount. No one else is out riding. Annie likes company but she's fine with just me.

11:30-Noon  Light ride, walk, trot. No cantering because it rained the night before and I don't trust the footing.

Noon  Walk Annie into the stable yard. Dismount.

Noon-12:15  Un-tack Annie. Brush her down. Give her a treat and tuck her into her stall. Put everything away, sweep out the grooming stall. Wave goodbye to everyone and jump in the car.

12:15-12:35 Drive home.

12:35-1:30 Shower, dress, makeup, lunch.

1:30 Drive to office in time for my first appointment!

Ta-daaa!!!  I worked until 9PM that day. My quick visit to the barn was like stress prevention. Because I got my horse and fresh air fix, I could focus on my work with alacrity. Altogether a great day!

Horse Play Pendulum Clock by Allen Designs

Mother Mucker!

Don't you just love that sticker?  The wheelbarrow belongs to one of the owners of the farm. Every time I walk past it I smile.

At Maple Row, Sundays are when boarders muck out their stalls unless they outsource this task. Being on a tight budget I try to do my own Sunday mucking. With the weather being just about perfect this month, the chore has been down right enjoyable; a good warm up prior to riding and a chance to go over every inch of Annie's stall.

Someday I'll do the same with my closet, which could do with some mucking, especially over on my husband's side. Why is it so important to him to hold onto a thread-bare shirt he hasn't worn since the eighth grade? Experience, and maybe the wisdom of age, has taught me to place the clutter in our closet in the 'small stuff' pile. When I go in there I'm blind to what's going on on the left. Our marriage is happier that way.

Meanwhile, I get my satisfaction from shoveling out the manure from Annie's stall. That exercise contributes to a happy marriage, too.

Spurs No More

When we first came to Maple Row, Annie was using a slow twist bit. I didn't get on her unless she had ear puffs in her ears, and I had spurs on and held a crop. Worst of all she and I both had an attitude.

Today Annie's bit is a classic smooth snaffle, she doesn't use ear puffs, and the spurs and crop are left in the tack trunk. The attitude? Somewhere in the last year or so it drifted away.

In the old days I didn't dare ride out alone. Annie got crazy nervous without another horse with her.

Today she and I trust each other so it's not so important to her to have a same species buddy around. She had her little spook but I don't get crazy nervous like I used to either. Instead of pulling up on the reins, I loosen them, sit back and give her a reassuring pat on the withers. She calms right down. Gives my heart a chance to calm down too.

For about 45 minutes we walk and trot, work a little on canter departs. Mostly we just enjoy the ride, the outside and each other. It's been a long time since I've been able to get out to the farm to ride more than once a week or every other week. For that reason Annie and I both need some time to get back into riding shape. For now I'm just happy to be able to say Annie likes me, she really likes me. And I'm crazy in love with her.

Photo courtesy of Bill Gracey via Flickr