My Horse Is My Therapist

Happiness is a Good Roll in the Mud

 

 

 

I went to the barn yesterday. After scraping a truck load of mud off of her I took Annie for a walk. That isn't Annie in the photo but it gives you an idea. Her mane was a dirt ball tangled in burrs! She's usually a fastidious mare. I think she ran into the wrong crowd, went to some dodgy clubs and rolled in the muck and mire.

Grooming tip: As I was picking the burrs out of her mane, hair by muddy hair, a barn buddy walked by and said "Show Sheen! Use Show Sheen and they will fall right out." Damn! I ran to my tack cubby, grabbed the Show Sheen and with a good spray those burrs did come out easier. Annie's mane isn't real thick to begin with so I was grateful for the tip!

Photo courtesy SharleeH via Flickr

Video: Carson Kressley shares his love for horses. Way to go, Sparky!

Flipping through a House Beautiful magazine at the library (trying to get ideas for my new office) while waiting for my daughter to check out some CDs, a photo that caught my eye.

Carson Kressley, was showing off his bedroom. I love Carson. He's the cleverist of the Fab 5 on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, inspirational guru on How to Look Good Naked and apparently he was on Dancing With the Stars (which I missed). His lightening quick, hilarious wit is liberating and he is so sweet!

Then I looked more closely at the photo. Double take! His stylish bedroom was filled with horses! Drawings, paintings, figurines, prints, tchotchkes!

You, dear reader, probably already knew this. Carson Kressley is a passionate horse lover and an accomplished equestrian from way back! When he was five years old he had a pony named Sparky! Awww!

Now he shows American Saddlebreds, riding, driving and loving them. Somehow this all makes sense! Of course Carson is a rider! Of course he loves horses! Why? For the same reason we all do. Because they keep us sane!

See for yourself in this video produced by Equestrian Life.

 

Video: When a Good Ego Defense is Like a Good Riding Helmet

One of the best books I was assigned in graduate school was Anna Freud's, The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense. Here is a quick review:

When The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense was first published in German in 1936 it was at once recognized as a major contribution to psychoanalytic psychology, and its translation into English quickly followed. More than half a century later it enjoys the status of a classic. Written by a pioneer of child analysis, and illustrated by fascinating clinical pictures drawn from childhood and adolescence, it discusses those adaptive measures by which painful and unwanted feeling-states are kept at bay or made more bearable.

Anna Freud's arguments have a clarity and cogency reminiscent of her father's and the work is remarkably undated. Nothing stands still, but The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense has unmistakably passed the test of time.

The take away message from this book that stuck with me is that ego defenses such as denial, repression, identification and rationalization work to protect ourselves from painful anxiety. The defenses themselves are a gift from nature, just as anxiety is when we need it to warn us there is something in our environment that could harm us. It's just that both anxiety and the accompanying defenses can get stuck in overdrive, causing us to over-react, over-compensate and generally over-mess up our lives.

So how can we tell when our defenses are good and when are they getting in the way? That's a tough one. My first answer is the fall back, "I don't know how to define it but I know it when I see it." That's lame and not as helpful as I'd like it to be. Sorry.

What I can say with confidence is that most of the people I work with, people with thin skins, (and most people with depression or anxiety have thin skins) need to boost their ego defenses, not lower them. They need permission to put up that force field so that the nasty people or the difficult situations can't hit them so hard.

This video was shot in the Spring of 2011. (I have no idea why it took so long for me to publish it.) I compare the gear I put on to protect myself when I ride Annie to allowing myself to have good protection for my self-esteem.

By the way, I mention half chaps and forget to show you what they are in the video. You can click here to see a photo. Half chaps are these cool gator-like leg coverings that slip over your paddock boots. They protect your lower legs which work hard applying aides to your horse. The times I rode hard, like during a lesson, without half chaps or full riding boots, my inner legs felt bruised and tender. Ouch!

Please let me know what you think in the comments! Your input is very much appreciated.

 

The People Whisperers

Annie teaches me so much I started this blog to record and share it all.  Humans learning from horses is not new and lately it's becoming an industry. 

The other day I was half listening to NPR as I usually do while I go about my chores at the office or at home.  Suddenly I heard "...horses..." on the radio and I was all ears.  It was a story about The Horse Institute, where trained faculty offer equine-assisted learning to corporations. 

I liked what Marie-Claude Stockl, the executive director and co-owner, said:

“The biggest problem in the corporate world is that we don’t live in the present....When we come to the workplace, we bring in grudges and things from the past and worries about the future. Horses live in the present. They don’t hold grudges. They’re happy to try something new, unlike many of us who remain stuck in the past. Living in the present works for horses. I think it works for humans, too.”

Then more recently there was this article in the New York Times: "Finding Inner Peace, Not Your Inner Cowgirl." Annie's response?  "Of course I live at a spa. Room service, regular exercise, rub downs... Just don't ask me to do yoga!"

That's the zen of it all. Being present for Annie teaches me how I can be more present for my kids, husband and most remarkably, for myself.

12 Ways I Blasted Stress Today!

1. Stopped procrastinating and finished post for Explore What's Next.
2. Closed the laptop and walked away.
3. Got in the car. Opened the sun roof (a big deal in WNY, trust me).
4. Plugged in iPod. Set it to 'shuffle' mode. Surprise me!
5. Sang loudly with the Pointer Sisters all the way to the barn.
6. Enjoyed blue sky and puffy white clouds.
7. Got to barn and breathed in sweet horsey smell.
8. Heard Annie, my mare, nicker at me, anticipating carrots.
9. Fed Annie carrots.
10. Brushed Annie off for fifteen minutes (she's shedding).
11. Took a walk and hand grazed her in the sun.
12. Smiled all the way home.

I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Photo courtesy of GibZilla via Flickr

Annie, Anxiety and the Fight/Flight (Mostly Flight) Response

"If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question, or asked the question wrong." ~Pat Parelli

Photo courtesy of Alice Holzberger via Flickr

Horses Are People Too!

This weekend was what I consider ideal riding weather. A cool nip in the air but no wind, the sun out to warm things up and the ground dry and friendly.

On Saturday Annie was so nervous I couldn't get on her. On Sunday she was wonderful and we had a nice long ride.

What was the difference? Who knows. All I know is that before I saddle up I usually walk Annie about to gauge her mood. If she spooks more than three times in ten minutes, guess what? No way I'm getting on her. 

All great horsemen say the same thing. You know your horse. If you feel today isn't a good day to ride, then don't. Be safe and reasonable. Your horse has moods just like humans, good days and bad. Unless you are an idiot, you don't push your horse if they are having an 'off' day.

On Saturday when we took our walkabout Annie's head was high with her ears pricked, quickly looking this way and that. Horses are often photographed in this posture because it looks so pretty but it's not what you want or I should say, what I want, before getting on. What I look for is what the horses in the photo look like. Heads down, not lazy down, just relaxed. Ears floppy, eyes soft. These horses are taking it easy, just as their riders in the unfortunate jackets. Taking it easy yet ready to get to work when asked.

Annie often starts out a little tense and then settles down. I talk to her quietly walking a little ahead of her, stopping once in a while to pat her gently to help her relax.

She jumped when the boys in the gelding paddock tore around at a gallop showing off. That was one.

We walked on. Same routine, me chatting about the glorious day or humming a tune. 

When I stroked her neck, the muscles were tense. She didn't lower her head or relax her ears. Her tail switched. She was acting agitated. Then a bobcat machine used on farm roared to life. She leaped and spun. That was two.

I took a deep breath trying to model a relaxed attitude for her. That may be nuts but it's the psychologist and mom in me. 

We walked into the hunt ring where I was still hoping to get on. She was just beginning to show signs of settling down, lowering her head, letting her ears flop a little, licking her lips – when a huge construction truck rumbled by!

On a normal day it wouldn't have phased her. That truck would have been business as usual. But no, in the anxious mood she was in, that truck was Godzilla, King Kong and the Kracken all rolled into one! She not only leaped and spun, she did it with such force she almost knocked me down. That was three.

I sighed and gave up the idea of riding for the day. We walked around some more. At least I got some exercise even if it wasn't in the saddle. Putting her back in her stall in such a high state of anxiety was not what I wanted to do. 

We all have our moods. Just the day before when my husband reacted to something I said in a way I wasn't expecting, I was angry at him for hours. Hours!!! That isn't like me but I couldn't shake it off. Before something really stupid became a shameless argument, I told him I was being unreasonable, that it was best if I just went to bed. It was 8:30 but I was exhausted. After sleeping it off, the next day I was back to 'normal'. Here's a tip: If you have an irritable day, before you snap at someone, ask yourself if you are a. tired, b. hungry, c. scared or d. all of the above. 

Back at Maple Row, the next day, on Sunday, I could tell immediately her mood was completely different from the day before. Her head was down, the muscles in her neck were relaxed. Stuff was happening all around her. She looked but didn't jump, not once.

And we had a lovely ride.

Photo courtesy of Thowra-uk via Flickr

Riding and My Right Brain

Photo courtesy Striking Photography by Bo via Flickr

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Apparently I'm a right-brain creature in a left-brain world.

You've heard about left brain vs right brain characteristics. The left side of the brain is the seat of language and processes in a logical and sequential order. The right side is more visual and processes intuitively, holistically, and randomly. In my work, running a business, I have to be a left brain person. I need to think out business and marketing plans. I need to balance annoying things like my financial accounts. I have to pay the rent and write reports. While being a therapist is both linear and holistic, keeping schedules and records straight, connecting with collaborating professionals, making sure I am doing eveything I can for my patients, is pretty left-brain stuff.

Even though I think I'm good at the left-brain stuff, the temperament that I was born with feels more right-brained. I leap before I've fully thought out every single option, I love drawing outside the lines and I get a kick out of creating new things. When I can write what is on my mind, without the walls of others' expectations, I am happiest. Even my business, Explore What's Next, while a business, is born out of a creative model for a psychotherapy practice, something that makes me proud.

So it makes sense that to be as serene a human being as possible I need to balance these two parts of my mind, the linear, detail oriented with the holistic, intuitive. When my life veres to the left for too long, like a badly alligned car, I get all stressed out and cranky. Just ask my teenage daughter.

Annie is my one horse-power right-brain correction treatment. This may seem simplistic and rather silly for a PhD to say but it's true!

Annie was a bit muddy today. What am I saying? She was a mess! Despite a good rub down she remained dusty, but who cared? It was a gorgeously bright autumn day, the leaves at the apex of their beauty. How glorious to simply ride around the arena! Just this little time in Annie's presence and my shrunken right-brain is pumped up again!