Explore What's Next

Explore What's Next Has Moved!

The time has come to say goodbye to the old and bring in the new!  

All of Explore What's Next, including this blog, can now be found at one site:  explorewhatsnext.com!

Goodbye old blog, you have served us well!

You will find our latest, most recent blog posts at the beautiful new Explore What's Next site. 

Subscribers to this blog: Please go to the new blog and re-subscribe!

Visit us often and tell all your friends!

5 Steps to a New Web Site

Now we get to the major point of this trip: a new web site for Explore What's Next! How did we get here and what's next?

1) Recognize the need for a new website. I love the design Steve originally came up with four years ago but it became obsolete when Dylan, our new therapist, joined EWN. With the expectation of further growth the need for a new design that would grow with us became acute.

2) Merge the blog with the website design.  People compliment the EWN website all the time saying the information on it allowed them to get a good feel for what Explore What's Next is and for who I am. These days, however, a one stop destination is an advantage for both the reader and the administrator of a business site. Besides, I like the feeling of continuity.

3) Find a good program that will give you maximum control over all aspects of the site. Steve recommended Wordpress. I was skeptical for a long time because I used Wordpress before and basically hated it. The Wordpress people got wise and made some much needed changes, making it so much easier to use. The past few days have been spent learning the basics. I still couldn't set it up without Steve, but I will be able to maintain it day to day. 

4) Transfer all info from old sites to the new design. This will be partly easy, partly labor intensive but not impossible. Steve and I will be doing the bulk of this work tomorrow. (I hope. Steve says, "Ye of little faith.") We will have to break down the old site and replace it with the new one under the same explorewhatsnext.com address. The transfer will take a little time. It's not instant like I thought it would be. Steve and I will be building it over a several hours, page by page.

5) Launch new website & blog. From the time of launch, this Typepad blog site, (www. draletta.typepad.com) will be put to bed. It will still be here but you won't find anything new here. I will put one last post up with directions and a link to go to the New Explore What's Next website and blog at explorewhatsnext.com. The first page of the new website will be the blog so that all the new up-to-the-minute stuff will be right up front. You won't miss anything.

That will be an exciting day for me and an historic one for EWN. I can't wait!

 

The Anxiety of Growing a Successful Business

Yesterday I met Steve, my business coach, for the first time. Even though we've been working together for almost four years now, we've never met. It took some getting used to actually being in the same room. He's over six feet, I'm... not. Looking at him look at me as we talk instead of yacking blindly on the phone was funny-weird and funny-haha. We kept cracking up the first twenty minutes.

Thank God he is very relaxed with himself, casual, and laughs easily. Over the years as we have both grown our businesses, Steve has become a good friend, almost a member of the family. In no time at all we had our heads to the grind stone plotting world domination.

Let me explain this business thing. A professional practice is a service business. We are in the business of providing a service. To survive as a business to continue serving is part of our responsibility. It seems easier to see the business side to things when it comes to lawyers' firms or medical practices. Behavioral health practices are a bit different, partly because of the professionals involved and the kind of service we provide.

People who choose psychology, social work and other behavioral health occupations tend to have warm hearts and thin skins. That's what makes us good at being empathic therapists. As a species, though, it doesn't make us terrific business people. 

There are exceptions. Fortunately for me I come from a long line of entrepreneurs (Arg! I can never spell that word without spellcheck correcting me!). Creating and growing a business is in my blood. My maternal grandfather had a very successful dental practice. My paternal grandfather was a gentleman farmer with holdings in beef cattle and coffee that he traded with Europe. My mother created a cottage industry with her hand-made crafts before Etsy, or the Internet for that matter, was a twinkle in anyone's eye. Three out of the five kids in my family own businesses. My husband has a growing biotech company. My father was the sole proprietor of his psychotherapy practice.

But I don't want my Dad's practice. I want something completely different.

So here I am with a solid psychotherapy practice that I love and I now want to grow to the next level. That's when I get anxious. Having Steve to bounce ideas off of and set me straight regarding my fears is priceless. He encourages me to be creative about growth. Organic vs linear. Turtle slow and steady can still be compatible with strategic.

But first I need to create a vision of what it is I want to achieve, where am I going, what does the destination look like? Do I want to keep things small and contained or larger and spread out? Maintain control or hire people to delegate to? That kind of thing. There are no right or wrong answers. When anxiety creeps up, instead of letting it freeze me out, I ask myself, what is that about? What is the fear masking? The answer rarely has to do with business.

The fear usually springs up when my ambition comes into conflict with that old core belief: "I'm not good enough."  Am I too old? Am I smart enough? Will people still like me if my business grows?

I kinda doubt Donald Trump struggles with any of this.

What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Once again I find myself in need of taking my own advice.

When I'm coaching people who feel stuck in their careers I ask them to do a pretty classic exercise. Visualize what you are doing a year or two from now. Fill the vision with details. That's important. Some create a vision board with photos and words that describe their vision. What are you wearing? What does the work environment look like, feel like, smell like? Who else is there? What are they like? What are you doing? What tasks are the things you love and what are things you don't like so much? How does the rest of your life, family, need for base income to pay the bills, hobbies, fit in?

We play around with this vision until it feels good. Then we deconstruct from there to create the path to success.

Somewhere along the achievement highway I passed my own vision. I didn't even realize it until Steve pointed it out to me.

It's kind like those dumb commercials, "Now that you've won the Superbowl, what are you going to do now!?"

It's not enough to say 'I want to write a book' or 'I want EWN to continue to be successful.' I need to fill in the details. Decisions need to be made, priorities set. That's a big part of why I'm here in California, going through my own personal business retreat: To figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

What a great place to be six weeks away from my 57th birthday. 

Mindfulness vs Technology

On the long flight from New York to LA my plane was outfitted with individual monitors. With the swipe of a credit card you would have your choice of television programs, movies, games like poker, Bejeweled, solitaire, chess, maps to track the plane's progress, weather reports, music, talk radio programming... 

My first reaction to seeing the screens, which were not guaranteed when I made my reservation, was "Oh boy! This flight is going to be fun!" Once settled in my seat I looked up to a blank monitor. Mine was the only screen on the entire plane not working!

Nooooo!

My reaction was a little intense for a minute. My body went into full fight mode. Could I sue the airline? Demand an upgrade to first class? The degree of frustration was a wee bit alarming. Where was this coming from?

Our society is so conflicted, now more than ever, it seems. Mindfulness is preached as the soothing balm to the pressures of every day life. Yet we are made to feel we will miss something of life and death importance if we don't have a mobile phone that can search for the latest restaurant while we simultaneously talk over dinner plans with our spouse. 

Now I love my gadgets, I do. I love that I can listen to heart thumping music as I run, look up the exact location of Bahrain, and check my calendar from one handy device. Do not even think that I am advocating going gadget-less.

I just think I am not alone in struggling with the proper balance between using these wonderful tools and giving in too much, allowing them to use me. When I lost the solitaire app on my iPod I resisted the urge to re-install it because I spent too much time on that thing. I'm still going through withdrawal. What is the anti-dote to too much technology?

Mindfulness is an ability. It is the ability to open the entire body, all the senses that are available to us, mind, body and spirit to the miracle of Being. Right now in this moment I am witnessing the sunrise over the San Gabriel mountains. The sunlight slants into the East facing window. Everyone in the house is asleep; it is quiet. Once in a while a birdie sings. I made coffee. The taste and smell of it lingers. The air is cool on my cheek. Restful, I am content.

A voice in me says, "You should do this more."

The child in us loves the distractions, the toy-ness of our gadgets, the call to get gratification now!  It takes a strong adult to remember to step away and focus on what our spirit longs for: Our full, un-distracted, attention. 

5 Tips to Deal with Pre-Trip Anxiety

People generally fall into one of two camps. There are those who begin packing a week before a trip, give at least two neighbors keys to the house, just in case, and leave for the airport six hours in advance.

Then there's the rest of us.

Because my husband, who is driving us to the airport, is of the former camp, we left the house two and a half hours before departure time. A judicious compromise since our airport is just fifteen minutes away. Because he will be staying behind, I do not have to worry about house plants or dog sitters. Late last night, that left packing, loading my iPod and getting a good night's sleep.

Did I leave too much for the last minute? I tried not to panic, remember to breathe and think it through. Instead of choking over what I haven't done, what have I done to lower my pre-trip jitters?

1) Planned an itinerary.

This is a special trip for me. It is a workman's holiday since the big incentive for it is to meet and work with Stephen O'Bryan of Smack Smog. Steve is my marketing and business coach based in Southern California. Steve and I have worked together for three years and yet we have never met! Much of the success of Explore What's Next is due to Steve. He is brilliant. Over the phone and through emails, we have become good friends as well as business collaborators.

A few months ago we started to update and merge the EWN website with the blog. The upgrade was needed because EWN has grown. With the addition of Dylan Broggio, LCSW, and the intention of inviting more exceptional therapists to join the practice, the old design using only my name has become outdated.

Here was an opportunity to get together for a week to hammer out the new design, discuss every aspect of the business and update the business plan. The decision to make the trip to L.A. was made easier since my sister and her family lives close by.

Steve and I had many pre-trip discussions of what our meeting schedule would look like and what our objectives were for the trip. I did the same with my sister. That way I have a good sense of what to expect without feeling over-scheduled or rigid about it.

2) Have a packing list.

Having a list that I keep in my computer files has really helped me keep calm. Some things change from trip to trip but there is always a core of stuff that is always needed no matter where I go. Toothbrush, chargers for iPod and phone, pajamas and a fun, distracting book (a good romance or mystery will do) are among some of the things that are always on the list. 

3) Bring the comfort of home on the plane.

My carry-on has food (a peanut butter sandwich, an apple, orange, carrots and chocolate), my iPod is loaded with music, podcasts and games. There are a few DVDs to play my laptop (Despicable Me and Glee).

I plan way ahead of time what I will wear on the plane to maximize comfort but not look like I just rolled out of bed.  

4) Review fear of flying techniques.

I love the articles provided by Captain Bunn on the SOAR website. Remembering the science of flying and reviewing self-soothing techniques helps me keep the old fear of flying I used to have from creeping back up too badly. 

5) Let it go.

Now that I am at the airport, sitting at the gate typing this post, I am content. The worst is over. There is no use worrying about what I didn’t pack, or what didn’t get done before I left home. It's not like I'm going to the Moon.

I’m pretty sure they have shampoo in California.

The Anxiety Monster Ate My Homework!

A blog post every day.

That was this week's homework assignment from my blog coach, Steve O'Bryan of Smack Smog. Can I do it? Will I do it?

Homework is commonly assigned to my clients. Homework is a great way to reinforce and extend what we do during the therapeutic hour in the office. We try to come up with something that will be challenging but not too much so, meaningful and yet practical. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

When it doesn't, I occassionally hear an apology, accompanied by a statement of guilt and/or an excuse.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't do my homework. I should have but... (circle all that apply):

• I just didn't have time
• I tried but it was too hard
• it made me feel worse than before
• I must be doing it wrong. What is wrong with me?"

Whether people do the homework or not, doesn't matter. As we said ad nauseum in grad school, it's all grist for the mill. In fact, I kind of like talking about why homework doesn't get done. It's a real opportunity to point out that there are several reasons why homework may not get done and fixes for them:

• The homework assignment was not designed well. When a shirt doesn't fit it is not your body's fault. Same with therapy homework. Fix: Re-think or re-design more do-able homework. Often breaking it down to smaller steps helps.
• Resistance. Something about the homework causes anxiety. The Child in us says, nope, not doing that scary thing. Fix: Gently explore what's so scary and why.
• Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes the kids really do get sick or emergencies happen or the IRS decides to give you a surprise visit. Fix: Re-assign the same homework for the next week if that makes sense.

The point is there is no place for guilt, no need for excuses. Not getting the homework done is something to learn from.

Which brings me back to my own homework assignment. I had an earlier task, to write a few pages a week towards my book. Weeks went by and all I had were excuses and a lot of guilt. Finally Steve said, in a very sweet manner, "You are afraid success, Girl!"

To which I could only reply, "Yes. Yes, I am." (see Resistance above)

So we stepped back. Steve suggested a blog post a day to loosen up my writing muse. He didn't care what I wrote about, how long the posts were or if each post was brilliant. Just make it original and make it everyday. It is a good idea.

So far I'm three for three. Will I be able to keep this up? I actually look forward to the challenge. I'm ready! I will not let my fear of success keep me down. You can track my progress on the calendar at the bottom of the sidebar on the right.

Now I have to go pack for my trip to the West Coast. You will hear about that tomorrow.

Photo courtesy of SOCIALisBETTER

Don't make yourself nuts! For today forget about self-improvement!

“Today, let go of all that self-improvement stuff and say to yourself: ‘I don't have to be a better person today.’ You don't ... you're already close enough. Now with lightness and merriment go do your creative stuff.”  -Jill Badonsky

Anxiety and depression messes up how we see ourselves. No matter what is going on, when we are depressed, we are not good enough. It doesn't matter if you are a CEO or the dish washer in a diner, depression brings us all down to the same level – the basement.

If we could remember that wherever we are, whatever we are doing we are good, there would be so much less anxiety, so much less depression in the world. The things that make us anxious appear to be real but they usually are not. They are shadows of little things that are made huge by our minds.

I have to remember this all the time myself.

As a therapist it is not hard to explain to someone who is anxious that the thing that is making them anxious is a trick of the mind, something made up by our mind to keep us in a confined comfort zone. I can see it clearly. Helping the other person to see what I see is my part of my job.

Doing it for myself is trickier.

Conditions are things like "When I find the right guy I will be happy" or "When I start working again," or "When I stop being anxious about driving on the highway." These are all conditions that keep us tied down just like a chained dog.

What life has taught me, a lesson I learn over and over, is that I am always Good. I always have value. The bill still needs to be paid, and I may still want to lose ten pounds, but no matter what, I am a good person now.

It is wonderful when we are validated externally, when someone we respect says, "You did such a great job!"  But it is most important when we know it truly, deeply for ourselves.

Photo courtesy of jcornelius

A Day in the Life of a Psychologist

It is about time to go to bed but I couldn't see sleeping soundly without posting something first. It's been four days since my last post, long enough to make me think of turning in my blogger's badge due to blog neglect. If I post, I think, what will I write about? All options seem either lame, done before or too complicated to write easily. Which is why I decided to just write about my day. Rather than list all the reasons I have no time to write, I will write about what my time is like just for this one day.

5:30AM

I woke up a few minutes before the alarm goes off. That is generally a good sign I got a good night's sleep. Also it means there is no excuse to not do some form of exercise. Today it's yoga. After 20 minutes of vinyasas, there's time for breakfast, grooming, get dressed, make my lunch and get out the door. Thank God my kids are teens. All they need from me is a kiss and a "Have a great day!"

7:30AM

I open the office, turn on lights, get the heat going, make sure the coffee/tea machine is ready and prepare for the first of seven patients I will see today, including a Skype session from out of state.

Among the guests at my office today was a dog. Occasionally a client asks if they can bring their dog to a session and I say yes. Labradors, Goldens, miniature terriers, yorkies, shepards, mixed mystery breeds, I can't remember all the different types of dogs that have come to my office to check me out. Dogs, like most pets, are very therapeutic. I know a psychiatrist who had an office cat which was pretty cool. Her patients loved that cat.

11:30AM

I have a break from 11:00 to 1:00 but it really isn't a break. Over the last year I took a couples therapy seminar. To earn continuing education credits I have to fill out a 200 question exam and answer 80% of the questions correctly. This will be a breeze! Haha! Not so easy. It's taken four days but finally today I finished it. Time for lunch!

Over lunch I'm cruising around the Internet when my connection goes down. What?! Yes, and the phone land line too. You have got to be kidding. There is no time to call before my next patient. Just the thought of being put on hold and forced to listen to bad easy listening jazz gives me a headache. Instead, I take a Tylenol, make myself a cup of French Roast decaf and settle in for the afternoon sessions.

5:00PM

The door closes on my last patient for the day. There is still a lot to do, the unglamorous, administrative side to running a private practice business. Sadly, there is no room to procrastinate. Rats.

This weekend I am leaving for California to meet up with my web site designer, social networking coach and blog editor, founder of Smack Smog, Stephen O'Bryan. It will be a week of workmen's holiday. Steve and I are revamping, consolidating and upgrading the Explore What's Next website and blog. I'll write more about this soon.

For now it's enough to say that because of the trip I couldn't put off doing stuff like writing process notes for everyone I saw today, trying to make sense of the explanation of benefit reports from insurance companies, recording financials on a spread sheet, reading and responding to emails and vmails, faxing docs to my off-site admin, and calling the damn telecommunications company (Verizon. There, I said it) to ask what the heck happened to my service?

6:00PM

Home. My dog greets me at the door with that strange mixture of uplifting happiness (I'm so glad to see you!) and guilt provoking sadness (how could you leave me all day? Do I smell another dog?). I change into something that can get splattered with olive oil and it won't matter. Today I am on dinner duty. Broccoli Pasta is on the menu. Thank God for meal planning. Food is good!

7:00PM

Chauffeur son to music lesson. Chauffeur same son to high school for basketball game after music lesson. Return home. Chauffeur spouse with sports related injury to pharmacy.

8:45PM

Home for good at last. After counting the daily calories on my Lose It app I decide I can afford to have a snack. (Half an apple, a few raisins and almonds.) Watch a little American Idol with my daughter, a little "news" with my husband. Clean up and begin writing this post.

10:30PM

And here we are. Finally putting the day to rest, the go to sleep ritual, and sweet dreams.

When Your To-Do List Has You Up at Night, Try the "I Did" List

A few nights ago I woke up at 3:30AM worrying about all the things I haven't done. This happens sometimes. I have a list in my head of all the things that people are counting on me to do, the bills that need paying, the trip to the vet my dog needs. Getting increasingly anxious, I thought, "Wait a minute. Instead of thinking about what you didn't do, think about what you did do!

Once I gave myself permission, I could actually think of a few things I managed to get done the day before. It felt good to remember. As I thought about them, I could feel my entire body let go. Nice and relaxed, I fell asleep.

Most of us have trouble sleeping from time to time. I shared this little story with my friends on Facebook and got quite a response. Like this from Gina:

"I like that idea of a reverse "To Do" List, more like a "Did" List. There's so much you do that you don't write down. That might even be a good evening practice. Before going to bed, think about your "Did" list. That way you set yourself up for a good night sleep evey time! Hmm, might try that!"

Another friend, Steve, pointed out that the "Did" List sounded very CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) which is true. It's hard to think two opposing thoughts at once (try it!) so anything, counting sheep, reading an enjoyable book, reciting the nation's capitols, is a good remedy for nasty worries that come in the dead of night when you can't do anything about them. 

Sweet dreams!