Explore What's Next

Dr. Aletta Featured on the New York Times Well Blog!

Every Tuesday I anticipate my morning New York Times with the same enthusiasm my dog shows for his bacon treats. Tuesdays are special because of the Science and Health sections. I can count on getting good reliable information on a wide range of topics that are important to me from diet and exercise to mind and behavior. Some of my favorite health writers are on these pages: Jane E. Brody, John Tierny, Perri Klass and there are often tidbits from the Well Blog.

If Well had a mission statement it would read something like this:

Healthy living doesn’t happen at the doctor’s office. The road to better health is paved with the small decisions we make every day. It’s about the choices we make when we buy groceries, drive our cars and hang out with our kids. Join columnist Tara Parker-Pope as she sifts through medical research and expert opinions for practical advice to help readers take control of their health and live well every day.

I would add it is written in clear language, often in an entertaining manner.

I subscribe to the New York Times Health online newsletter that includes the Well Blog. This week my socks were knocked off when I saw my article Running Into Your Therapist in Public featured on Well! Not only that, so far there are 91 comments! Lots of stories from people about how they reacted when they ran into their therapist while shopping, seeing a movie or at a restaurant and some from therapists about how they felt seeing patients outside the office. I'm glad the weekend is coming up when I'll have some time to read them all.

I feel like a proud mama. One of my babies made it to the New York Times website. How cool is that?

Happy Healthy Super Bowl Sunday!

Let me say straight off, I am not a football fan. It's not that I'm anti-football, just not a follower. That is not easy to say in a town where following the local NFL team is like a religion.

There is one day, though, when I, and many like me, transform into enthusiastic fanatics while watching unimaginably huge men butt heads. Super Bowl Sunday! It's like becoming Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You join 'em or you lose out on a lot of fun.

To make this high holy day as enjoyable as possible I'm planning to:

Drink a lot of water, the H2O type, clear and additive free. I like the taste of beer (my hostess promises some nice, local micro-brews) but I don't want to mistake drinking for enjoyment with drinking to hydrate. 

Bring food that I know I can eat guilt-free. I just called my friend and she said she had plenty of desserts, thank God. I will bring the veggie tray and hummus. 

Get in a decent workout before the party. Using the method Frank Bruni used to stay slim while being a food critic for the New York Times, I will sweat for thirty minutes or so, expending a few calories, so I can have myself a bit of brownie.

Spend more time talking than eating. If I can tear myself away from the hors d'oeuvres long enough to realize there are interesting people in the room to learn about and exchange funny stories with, I can distract myself pretty well.

Thoroughly enjoy the ooey-gooey stuff, too. Let's be real. A Super Bowl party is not the place to be all strict about every bite. I just want to be mindful about the goodies and not ruin the gusto by downing fist-fulls of chips without thinking.

There's always the game and those silly commercials. Lately the Super Bowl games have provided top-notch entertainment and a wonderful way to take a little break from the stress of the every day. So let's go out there and have some fun!

Related articles:

Have a Safe and Healthy Super Bowl Celebration

Myths About Super Bowl Sunday

Healthy Super Bowl Recipes & Menus

Life Candy: Jeff & Erin's Epic Wedding Trailer!

If you haven't seen this 'Save the Date' Video give yourself a treat and click below. As the Huffington Post says, It's so well done that you can't help but love this pair and wish them a lifetime of happiness. Enjoy!

Jeff & Erin's Epic Wedding Trailer: Save the Date

Photo courtesy of piX1966 via Flickr

Friday Life Candy: The 59 Second Self-Help Guide

Just found this website 59 Seconds, that bills itself as a self-help guide based on proper research. Founded by Richard Wiseman, (now why couldn't I have a name like that?) who was a professional magician (I kid you not) before getting his advanced degree in psychology (it gets better...) AND he's British! That means he has that accent we Americans go gaga over. As John Oliver, of the Daily Show said, anyone who speaks with a British voice in the US is an undisputed authority.

I could really hate him; Wiseman, not Oliver.

But I don't. I like Wiseman and his 59 second shtick. His tag line is "Think a little. Change a lot." He disseminates helpful information he says is gleaned from the scientific literature so at least he's making an effort to be reliable. See for yourself. This video is a taste:

LOL! A Parent's Take on Talking with Tweens in the Digital Age

About a year ago my daughter and I wrote this post together The Real Deal: Advice for Tweens and Their Moms. In response to a reader having trouble reaching her tweenage daughter, I wrote about a similar problem between my daughter and I and how it worked out:

When Vanessa was twelve years old she was behaving like your daughter. She seemed unhappy but every time I tried to approach her about it she shut me down. What could I do?

Then one day I heard her laughing from the other room. She was IM-ing a friend. You probably already know how popular instant messaging is as a favorite form of communication for young people. So I tried the old, 'if you can't beat them, join them' strategy. From the other side of the house I IM-ed my daughter. She responded and soon we were having the in-depth conversations on IM that we weren't having out loud.

I don’t remember how long it was after that, I was putting laundry away in my bedroom. Vanessa came up to my room, threw herself onto my bed, and asked me for advice. I nearly dropped my underwear I was so shocked! We’ve been talking (out loud) ever since.

The post was forgotten until last week. I was going about my business when, only half listening to my favorite National Public Radio program, Morning Edition, I heard Adam Gopnik come on. A writer for The New Yorker, he started telling the story of how his 12 year old reached out to him through Instant Messaging.

"V.!" I ran to her room, "You've got to hear this." We both stood staring at the radio while Gopnik explained to a live audience how taciturn his son was until they started IM-ing, back and forth, sometimes while sitting on the same couch!

V. and I looked at each other. That was exactly what we did before our communication evolved to audio.

Gopnik spun a good tale. He had us hooked and we listened to the whole story. It's funny and touching, but mostly funny. It's a fast ten minutes. Give it a listen: The Moth Radio Hour Adam Gopnik.

Special thanks to Mark Wozniak, reporter & host of WBFO's All Things Considered, for providing the link.

Holiday Loneliness: One Man's Story

I just read this piece by Walter Kirn, (who wrote the novel "Up in the Air," now a George Clooney movie) on his pre-Christmas "balsam scented loneliness"  and had to pass it on. Last year Mr. Kirn was divorced, his kids were with their mother and his brothers and sisters were far away.

This is what he wrote:

...before I reveal what happened next, I’d like to touch on a study that came out recently concerning the contagiousness of loneliness. An article in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology presented the argument that feelings of sadness and isolation can spread from the folks who are feeling them not only to their friends but also to their friends’ friends. And while these findings seem odd at first (aren’t the lonesome lonely because they lack friends?), the University of Chicago psychologist who is behind them says that they make sense.

“Let’s say for whatever reason — the loss of a spouse, a divorce — you get lonely,” the study’s principal author, John T. Cacioppo, told The Washington Post. “You then interact with people in a more negative fashion. That puts them in a negative mood and makes them more likely to interact with other people in a negative fashion, and they minimize their social ties and become lonely.”

Call this, if you will, the Viral Bummer Theory.

Which is why starting before Thanksgiving I talk with my patients about what their plans are for the holidays and how they are coping. For many it's a no brainer. They are looking forward to the usual family gathering and it's all good.

Nine Holiday Depression Busters

Around this time of year I don't think there can be enough helpful tips to keep the Happy in the Holidays. That's why I'm reprinting these nine holiday depression busters by Therese Borchard of Beyond Blue.

"These 9 rules help me put the joy back into the festivities--or at least keep me from hurling a mistletoe at Santa and landing myself on the 'naughty' list."

1) Expect the worse. What I'm trying to say is that you have to predict bad behavior before it happens so that you can catch it in your holiday mitt and toss it back, instead of having it knock you to the floor.

2) Remember to SEE. SEE stands for Sleeping regularly, Eating well, and Exercising. Without these three basics, you can forget about an enjoyable (or even tolerable) holiday.

3) Beef up your support. If you attend Al-Anon once a week, go twice a week during the holidays. If you attend a yoga class twice a week, try to fit in another. Schedule an extra therapy session as insurance against the potential meltdowns ahead of you.

4) Avoid toxic people. This one's difficult if the toxic people happen to be hosting Christmas dinner! But in general, just try your best to avoid pernicious humans in December.

5) Know thyself. Before you make too many plans this holiday season, list your triggers: people, places, and things that tend to trigger your fears and bring out your worst traits.

6) Travel with polyester, not linen. I'm saying that you should lower your standards and make traveling as easy as possible, both literally and figuratively.

7) Make your own traditions. Making your own tradition might mean Christmas Eve is reserved for your family and the extended family is invited over for brunch on Christmas Day. Or vice versa. Basically, it's laying down some rules so that you have better control over the situation.

8) Get out of yourself. According to Gandhi, the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service to others.

9) Exercise your funny bone. Remember, with a funny bone in place--even if it's in a cast--everything is tolerable.

Read the entire article here.

Holiday Stress! Can a Professional Organizer Help?

My friend, Linda Groat, owner of Simply Back to Basics Organizing and Coaching, helped me reclaim my home office space, making it a much more enjoyable space to work in. Because that project worked so well I wondered if she could help me get through the frenzy of cooking, baking, shopping, gift wrapping, decorating and card distribution that comes around this time of year. Recently she graciously invited me to her home to explain how a professional organizer works.

Linda, I've used your services to help me organize both my offices at home and away and still use the systems we set up. Can you describe how an organizer helps people for those new to professional organizing?

Of course, Dr. Aletta. People get stuck in their projects usually because of a major life change (illness, injury, recent or impending move, death of someone close to them, birth/adoption, a new/demanding job, obligations to aging parents, etc). People have busy lives that make it difficult for them to keep all their commitments running smoothly.

Professional organizers provide ideas and resources, support and encouragement, planning and implementation of organizing projects, as well as follow up and maintenance. NAPO, the National Association of Professional Organizers, is a group of thousands of organizers across the US and other countries, committed to helping clients achieve their goals.

I work through a consultation process, where I identify the goals and vision of each client and tailor a plan that will work with their personality and habits. The systems are set up initially within the first session or two and are tweaked as needed within follow up sessions to ensure everything is working properly. Clients are encouraged to share their feedback with me to ensure things are working well.

When a client first contacts me, I provide a free 15-20 minute phone consultation about their concerns. Upon mutual agreement, we then schedule a 2 hour initial consultation session in their home or office where I conduct a detailed assessment of their goals and spaces. From that session, we establish a shopping list of needed supplies and a detailed plan/scope of the project. The time needed to complete each project varies with many factors. My follow up sessions are a minimum of 4 hours to allow for optimal productivity.

I usually work hands on in clients’ homes or offices, but now I am also offering a new service of consultation through a webcam, using Skype, where we can work on certain things long distance, like vision planning and time management.

I'm thinking there are a lot of people like me, who feel completely blindsided that it's already Christmas time! How can an organizer help me get a grip?

The holiday time creates a lot of opportunity for joy, and at the same time can be stressful. Organizers can help you get both physically and emotionally ready to make the most of your family time. By streamlining and systematizing kitchens, laundry rooms, play areas, paperwork and daily routines, those every day chores that are so taxing become automatic and even enjoyable. That leaves time and energy left to do other fun projects for the holidays!

Do you have any special tips for organizing gift giving?

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes

This is what I love about Twitter.

Rachel Simmons shared this clip in a retweet from Julia Taylor. I not only got the benefit of watching a terrifically edited video, I was introduced to Julia, who, like Rachel does admirable work promoting empowerment for girls.

Guaranteed to lift your spirit in less time than it takes to microwave a burrito.

This Halloween I Faced My Greatest Fear

Yes, that's Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Also my long time nemesis. I used to hate her. She took a perfectly good name and turned it into a joke. On her About Me page she says, "When you hear the name Elvira only one person comes to mind..."

Excuse me? And what did that make me and at least a thousand other people? Chopped liver?

You might be thinking, "Gee, Elvira, why would it scare you to be associated, even loosely, with a slutty, Vampira wannabe in a cheap wig?

[Yes. Before Elvira there was Vampira, circa 1953, the first ever late night horror film hostess. She was featured in that wonderfully campy Tim Burton film 'Ed Wood', with Johnny Depp as the cross dressing Mr. Wood.]

Anywho... 

I don't really mind that much...anymore...but once upon a time I dreaded hearing my name mispronounced and dis-respected. It hurt to hear people call me things like Velveeta cheese. God! Couldn't my name at least sound like a classy cheese, like, l don't know... Bree?

It doesn't take a psychologist to figure out why I would get defensive, not to say persnickety, or snotty, about my name being misprounced or made fun of. Your name is your badge of honor, your coat of arms, your flag! I went through years and years, ever since I could talk, correcting people about how to say and spell my name. [Does Growing Up With a Difficult Name Build Character?] If you have a difficult name you know exactly what I'm talking about.